Chapter Four: Not Used to Having Friends

Friends are not our cup of tea. We’re having a hard time keeping them because we’re such an anxiously overthinker, and along those thoughts, we’re the assumption that they only wanted to be acquainted because they need something from us, which most of the time is not far from the truth.
   

As an unstable beings, we tend to rely more on ourselves and we rarely show that we [‘nobodies’] need someone on our side to get by. We establish a belief system that we are capable of being independent, and that results in isolation which we always feel. Sometimes fate presents itself with a such gift like getting us some companion which we end up messing up because our entire life we are used to being alone. Those companionships and belongingness we craved are now presented in front of us, but we are doubting that this would only result in ‘them’ leaving us because we’re nobodies, we are the kind of person that no one likes. This messes up our minds that’s why we believe that this friendship is nonsense, that it’ll always be our fate to forever be alone. We destruct the chances given to us due to the fear of being separated, we became very problematic and overly self-conscious in a way that we drive those people out. Every time that they present themselves we self-sabotage and manipulate ourselves into thinking that we don’t deserve those friends.

We are not entirely loners who are living just by ourselves, sometimes we like to think that there would be that someone that would truly recognize us, not just by our capabilities but our entire existence, it’s just we’re scared to be double-crossed and left out, ‘cause throughout our life we always felt that and we can never tolerate if it’ll add some more.